Yeah….haven’t been myself of late and finally feel I’ve turned a corner and left most of my bullshit behind. I lost myself in negativity because I couldn’t handle some changes in my life….
Things started to blow up in other places and it hit me hard that my issues at home were not being taken care of at home where they should’ve been taken care of-issues were manifesting in the form of negative thoughts and words seeping out of me.
Sad thing-did not realize it until the people closest to me-my peeps-called it to my attention.
That’s what good friends do, but it’s a super shitty feeling to know you’ve hurt someone because of your own shit.
I’ve turned a corner because I can only control me-and not anything else. I control my reactions. Those reactions don’t have to be negative-they just have to be honest, communicated to the right person and done so with respect.
Everyone makes mistakes, we learn from our shit and move on with new knowledge and another onion layer peeled off.
Today I took a yoga class by myself (no friends). I tried like hell to stay focused and “breathe”…I’m going to say my focus on the moment was in and out and a total of 10ish%. Whatever. I was more worried about my farts stinking up the place. People really need to give others more personal space in these situations.
I am now eating Pho-by myself-writing this post. The sun has peeked out, its quiet, there’s a good vibe in the air. And I probably smell really bad but whatever.